HILLARYS EVIL PLAN
I had planned to forget this whole deal, or at the very least just keep it to myself.
After thinking about the "big picture" for a while, I decided that it would be unfair (to the American public) and UNSAFE (for me) to keep this secret any longer.
It's all because of my drinking problem.
But that's another story.
Just let me warn you all to avoid marrying a red haired woman. Or two of them.
One day last week I stopped into a comfortable local bar for a late liquid lunch. Not one of those lively places like Hooters or Bennigans, just a plain, dingy neighborhood bar.
The place was nearly empty, just myself and one other regular and a stranger about my age.
Not wanting to be classified as someone who drinks alone in the daytime, and already knowing the other regular patron to be a dullard, I introduced myself to the stranger. He seemed to be a troubled, but likable sort. He gave his name as *****.
After the usual what do you do, my kids are a pain in the a** (the usual conversation that men of our age have under these circumstances), he leaned closer and said: "I have a story to tell that you won't believe. But I swear on my mothers' grave that it's true. I fear that 'some people' are aware of what I know and would eliminate me if they had the chance. Perhaps if I share this story, they will believe that killing me will not cover up their foul plan, and they MAY let me live."
"Are you familiar with the teenage girl that's missing in Aruba, Natalee Holloway?" he asked.
Since FOX news (with the sound off) was always on the barroom TV, we were all familiar with at least some of the story.
I answered: "well sure. Poor kid. Probably partied too hard with the wrong crowd, and paid the ultimate price. Sad."
Mr ***** said: " It's much worse than you could ever imagine." And he ordered another whisky.
I did the same.
"It's all part of a vast conspiracy to manipulate the American news media," he said. "You see, by keeping the average Joe and Jane focused on a pretty, white high school cheerleader they can make sweeping changes to the government, even the Constitution, that will ensure their ability to hold the reins of power and enrich themselves for generations to come, with the public being none the wiser!"
Foolishly, I asked: "What could a missing teenage girl possibly have to do with a conspiracy of the rich and powerful? She was a cheerleader, for chrisskes. I doubt she could even SPELL conspiracy."
"That's the brilliant part of their devious plan." He replied. "While everyone's attention is focused on Aruba, and of course Iraq, the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, led by Hillary Clinton and Ted Kennedy (no stranger to 'missing girl' scenarios himself), plan to make their move."
"Here's how it works: Its common knowledge that the Aruban (Dutch) criminal justice system coddles criminals. The American commies paid a group of dark skinned, local young men to abduct the young cheerleader and repeatedly have sex with her. Of course, she would eventually be so addicted to the manly motions of these dark skinned foreigners that she would renounce her American, Christian lifestyle and become a "depraved party Girl".
The Aruban criminal "justice" system would let these lowlife colored scumbags off with a slap on the wrist. They would be free to rape again, and would have a full bankbook thanks to the American liberals.
Hillary Clinton would then speak out about the exploitation of innocent women and initiate legislation, with Ted Kennedys help, to declare the male sexual organ a deadly weapon. Then they would introduce a bill requiring FEDERAL licensing of all weapons, i.e. handguns, sharp knives, and PENISES.
After the horrors of Aruba, this sweeping legislation would pass overwhelmingly.
The president would appear to be clueless about what was REALLY important to Americans – their daughters.
While the Bush administration was focused on fighting 'terrorists' somewhere else, the Liberals would then take over the entire US government.
Gays would be allowed to marry in every state, by federal mandate. Men would leave their (female) wives in droves.
Guns would be banned. Taxes would go up a little for the average Joe, DOUBLE for rich people.
Abortion on demand would be added to the constitution.
Schools would serve only vegetarian meals in cafeterias. Evolution would be taught as a fact, not a theory.
"In God we trust" would be removed from US currency.
"Under God" would disappear from the pledge of allegiance.
The USA as we know it would cease to exist," ***** said.
"They would kill me if they found out I know about their evil, liberal plan."
He drained his glass and ordered another.
He continued: "My only hope is to tell enough people that 'they' won't be able to keep the secret by killing me."
The he chilled me to the bone with his next statement:
"You're the only other person I have told this to."
I haven't slept in a week.
And now YOU all know.